Spamming Eviscerate since 2004

Readings from the Rogue Bible

There’s a wonderful thread on the rogue forums made by Echosoldier with “reading from the rogue bible” I for one love the thread very much and want to immortalize to reading thus far here on my own blog (I do not claim credit to any of the reading as MOST were written by Echosoldier)

Let us begin in the book of Stabby, from Verse 14:3

“Yea, let all of Azeroth proclaimeth the power of thine dagger. Let the masses locketh up their worldly possessions each night, and then doth waketh up in the morn, and while the sun doth rise, observeth an empty safe, the aftermath of thine work. Let every person fear thine floating red-texth, which doth explain that thou canst do that action while thine art stunned. Let the world knoweth that the shadows doth hide you, and that thou doth wait and plot to take the life and shiny things off of thine enemies, who doth be dimmwitted and weareth pink-boxers.”

And now, dear friends, let us not forget about Verse 8:6 which reads:

“For thou art fighters who doth belong to the great shadows. Thou art chosen to carry the fight against thine great evil relentlessly. Thou must not let thine enemies leaveth un-ganked, nor leaveth the corpses of thine enemies un-teabagged. Thou must not hesitate to campeth thine corpse until the sun doth rise overhead. Striketh them down, and leaveth them with nothing but thine empty coin-purse and a big repair bill that doth needeth to be paid.”

And now, dear friends, let us close with verse 18:16, in which we read about the Lord ShadowWalker’s conversation with the Great Noob.

“As the Lord ShadowWalker finished his great sermon to the crowd, a warrior didst walk up to him, wearing greyeth cloth gear with +intelligence enchantments on thine chest and cape. He didst look at the Lord, and didst say “I can hav 100 fuud k thx bai.” The Lord ShadowWalker didst see that thine Noob was blind, and didst take pity on him. Thus, he didst raise his dagger and didst stab thine Noob’s eyes out with a quick strike so that he either might doth learn from his mistake, ot if he doth not, he may never annoyeth another being. The Lord ShadowWalker didst look then at his disiples and calleth the situation ‘A win-win’.”

Verse 3:5

“And lo, donst thou be stopped from killing your hated foe by thine AFK marker floating aboveth yonder head, for behold, I say unto you that AFK doth not mean ‘Awayeth From Keyboard’, but rather it doth mean ‘A Free Kill’. Therefore, go forth, child of distruction, and bringeth death to thine absent-minded enemies.”

My dear beloved friends, let us continue reading about the exploits of Lord ShadowWalker, starting from verse 19:9.

“Thus, during the night, with thine holy [Glyph of Blurred Speed] inscribed, didst the Lord ShadowWalker useth Sprint to cross the lake to the boat in which his deciples did saileth in. The diciples, upon seeing the Lord, didst at first think that he was a Shaman, and didst begin to draweth their daggers, but the Lord ShadowWalker called out to his beloved, revealing himself to them. One of the disiples, Pilfurr, didst then calleth out to the Lord ShadowWalker, warily. “Lord, If that doth be you, then let me cometh out of thine boat and go to you.” The Lord replied “I tell you the truth, if thou doest not do so, then thou wilt be revealed to be a panzy, and thine friends will laugheth at you and talketh smack about thine mother.” Then, Pilfurr didst get out of the boat and didst walk towards the Lord, but since Pilfurr didst not investeth in the talent Preparation, he didst fall into the water after a few footfalls. The Lord ShadowWalker then did graspeth his deciple by the hand, and then didst place him in thine boat, rebuking him for doth being such a noob.”

Chapter 7, Verse 13.

“And lo did Lord ShadowWalker enter the Arathi Basin, and said unto his disciples ‘When thine enemies turn their backs to thee, distracted by frivolous pursuits of honor, cappeth their flag as your own. And if they should attempt to recappeth thine flag, reward their ignorance with a blow that shalt sappeth them. Then proceed to smite thine foes at your leisure, for one so foolish as to believe a flag unguarded hath not faith in the word of Lord ShadowWalker.'”

Inception 1:27-31

“Thus, The Lord of Shadows didst proceed to createth the rogue in his image, and in thy Lord ShadowWalker’s image. Male and female he didst createth them. Further, The Lord of Shadows blessed them and The Lord ShadowWalker doth then sayeth to them: “Be thou vengeful and doth become many. I tell thee, fill thine world of Azeroth and subdueth it, and doth subject all mana users, those that doth wear plate, and every living thing that doth dare to moveth against you and harm you. Trust thine skills, and adapt and overcome to achieveth victory in My name. I will send to thee a flood across the vast land, and the rain that falleth shall be the tears of thine enemies. The waters wilst then collecteth into a river, and thou shalt name it The River of QueQue, and it shalt be a symbol to thine enemies that you doth be my chosen. You shalt dwelleth in the shadows, within thy Lord’s embrace, where thine enemies may not bring you harm, and yet they wilt never cease their efforts. Heareth me when I doth say: Adapt and overcome. For thou art made in thine image of The Lord of Shadows.”

Verse 15:7

“If in thine travels you doth see thine hated foe in battle with a creature most foul and if it doth look like they willst be defeated, thou must raise thine daggers to the sky, and invoketh the great and mighty power of the Lord of Shadows. Then, must thou striketh down thine foul creature, for such evil canst be allowed to roam free, and thus saving thine foe from a shameful death and a troublesome corpse runneth. Thine foe will then feeleth great shame for thou didst save him when he doth bring misery upon you, and will leteth down his guard. Then, thou must quickly striketh down thine hated foe, and proceedeth to campeth their corpse, for then thine foe will not only feel shame that you didst save them, but also feeleth humiliated that thou didst make them feeleth as if they doth be an utter noob.”

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2 responses

  1. Can you put a link to the original? This is pure win!

    December 18, 2009 at 2:10 pm

  2. i’ll dig it up off the forums once i get to a place where it’s not blocked 😛 damn college library computers >.<

    December 18, 2009 at 4:25 pm

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